Pastor Swanson: Girl Scout Cookies Lead To Lesbianism And Abortion, But Boy Scout Salty Nut Candy Bars Are Delicious

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In a little reported story, Pastor Kevin Swanson of Generation Radio landed in some hot water when he proclaimed on air that purchasing Girl Scout cookies supports lesbianism and abortion.

“I don’t want promote a wicked organization that, according to its own website, doesn’t promote godly womanhood… The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country. Say no to the Girl Scout Cookies. I mean, I don’t wanna support lesbianism. I don’t wanna support Planned Parenthood, and I don’t wanna support abortion. “

We were not aware that you could get a box of Thin Mints and an abortion at the same time. We tried to find out what the Girl Scouts abortion badge looked like but oddly, couldn’t find it. Neither could we find the lesbian patch.

We managed to track down Pastor Swanson for an exclusive interview.

Free Wood Post: Thank you for joining us Pastor Swanson.

Pastor Swanson: Good to be here.

FP: Pastor Swanson, you’ve received some backlash to the comments you made concerning the Girl Scouts and their cookie drives. Would you care to amend your statements?

PS: Not at all. I stand by them. The Girls Scouts are an evil organization. They take the gays and atheists and all manner of girls. Then they put them on the streets to sell their wares. What kind of example is that? They should be teaching them to cook and clean.

FP: Are there any youth organizations that you support?

PS: Of course. The Boy Scouts are an all American, patriotic organization. I mean they exclude the gays and the ungodly atheists and until recently they even ferreted out the blacks.

FP: I would think their exclusionary practices would make them more un-American. I mean, we are the country of Ellis Island. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
What are your thoughts?

PS: Poppycock. Excluding people is what makes America and the Boy Scouts great. They are a private organization and should have the freedom to accept whomever they chose. It’s not really exclusion, it’s choosing the best and the best are white Christian boys.

FP: So would it be fair to say you would support buying Boy Scout candy bars?

PS: Of course, it helps them raise money to learn important skill sets like hunting and killing. And they come in delicious flavors. My favorite is the salty nut bar. But the chocolate bar is good too. It’s so thick and creamy.

To sum up: Pastor Swanson believes buying Girl Scout cookies leads to lesbianism and abortion but he is perfectly fine with buying homoerotic salty nut bars to support children learning how to hunt and kill.

Way to go Pastor Swanson, way to go.

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