SHOCKING: Louie Gohmert Did Not Say Anything Stupid Yesterday

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Breaking news out of Texas today is detailing that Louie Gohmert, Republican U.S. Representative from Texas’s First Congressional District, made it through the entire day yesterday without saying anything that would qualify as being stupid.

Gohmert’s eight year tenure in the House of Representatives has been notable for filling a disproportionate amount of media volume for repeatedly saying obviously stupid things. Whether it was constant questioning of President Obama’s citizenship, accusations of aspersions “cast on his asparagus”, nominating Allen West for the Speaker of the House in which West no longer served, claiming overwhelming climate change research to be fraudulent, supporting a trans-Alaskan pipeline to ostensibly incite caribou to have more sex, chastising women for not carrying brain-dead fetuses to term like his mom did, suggestions that armed teachers would prevent any shooting incidents at school, fantastical “terror baby” plots, claims of Christian persecution and sidelining of God as the cause of deadly shootings, his “discovery” of a Muslim Brotherhood infiltration into the very roots of U.S Government by people with funny names…Jesus, I’m running out of column space here…

But yesterday, independent experts scoured the transcripts and found that Gohmert had indeed not said anything objectionably stupid. This breaks a string of 2,862 consecutive days saying at least 1 idiotic thing (while averaging 3.2). But in fairness, he is suffering from a bout of the flu and was only awake in the early afternoon for about an hour to eat some soup and crackers while pointing out “that Judge Judy is kind of a bitch,” before retiring early to bed.

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