This December, Senator Rand Paul will answer critics and prove his writing prowess by releasing his first children’s book “Barry Trotter and the Sorcerer’s Bone”. The presidential hopeful has been besieged this week by reports of widespread plagiarism. According to Paul, the criticism “annoys the hell out of me” and suggested he would take extreme action “if dueling were legal in Kentucky”. Ultimately Paul decided that murdering those who caught him cheating may not be the best way to garner political favor and instead decided to demonstrate his writing ability by penning a book. “I thought to myself” proclaimed Paul, “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I believe this is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done.”
Paul wrote “Barry Trotter and the Sorcerer’s Bone” in just 3 days and describes it as a “modern day tragedy where three children- Barry, Harmony and Don are tricked into siding with a socialist government against the hero Lord Boldemort. Continues Paul, “I wanted to create a hero who could really speak to our current plight. Boldemort, through hard work and determination becomes the most powerful wizard on the planet. As he reaches his goals, the government, known as the Ministry of Magic, swoops in and says he can only use certain types of magic. They also create laws protecting non-magical people or ‘nuggles’, even though these nuggles bring no value to society. On the side of the villains is Professor Dumbledork, whose hippy-liberal propaganda is destroying the Dogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”
The announcement of Senator Paul’s book has sparked interest in literary circles and political pundits alike. We will see whether Paul’s effort will compensate for the multiple times he flagrantly passed the work of others as his own. “Barry Trotter and the Sorcerer’s Bone” is scheduled to be released in hardcover format on December 5, just in time for the holiday season.
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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.