Free Wood Post took a survey of various members of Democratic think tanks and asked them to come up with the most creative political costumes for liberals. Below is the top ten list.
1) The Ted Cruz: This is an easy one. Just put on a suit and a tie and a smarmy grin and go door to door saying you are going to shut down and block the entrance to the person’s home so that no other Trick-or-Treaters can get any candy. Make sure you take a bunch for yourself though.
2) The Tea Party Fanatic: Get your basic colonial garb including tricorner hat. Attach tea bags all over the hat until you look like a cross between a revolutionary soldier and Minnie Pearl. The important part of this costume is the sign. You must carry a sign full of spelling errors such as “Impeech Obama” . You get extra points for ironic signs such as, “Keep the Govment out of Edukation”.
3) The John Boehner: Break out your bronzer (okay you might have to mix a few shades to get that distinctive orange hue). Now simply put on a suit and tie and sit on the couch and do nothing. You may break into tears and sob uncontrollably from time to time but you can’t do anything else or you will ruin the effect.
4) The Wall Street Mogul: This is a classic costume. Rent a tux with top hat and monocle. When Trick-or-Treaters arrive at your door, throw the candy on the roof and tell them to wait for it to trickle down.
5) The Dick Cheney and Friend: This one is for couples. Get a Dick Cheney mask and wear hunting gear. Your friend has the more difficult task of being a hunter shot in the face. You’ll need some special effects makeup for this. Add to the costume with a sign that says “No gun regulation.”
6) The Michele Bachmann: Another easy one. Put on your best power suit, a Michele Bachmann mask and add some bat wings. See where we’re going here? It helps if you continually talk about how we are in the “end of days because of Obama.”
7) The Sarah Palin: Put on your power suit, put the hair in an updo and at every house you stop exclaim: “I can see Russia from your house.” If you really want to nail this costume inhale some household cleaning products until your IQ drops to single digits.
8) The Romney: Get a Romney mask and wear a McDonalds uniform to depict his current job prospects.
9) The Hilary Texting: Get your Hilary Clinton mask, some large sunglasses and a cell phone. Carry a picture of Ted Cruz with text that reads; “Thanks for giving me 2016.”
10) The Paul Ryan: You have to be a waifish man to pull this off. Put on a suit and a Paul Ryan mask. If you don’t have a suit, don’t worry, the mask can double as Eddie Munster.
Free Wood Post then took a survey of various members of Republican think tanks and asked them to come up with the most creative political costumes for conservatives. Below is the top ten list. We’re sorry in advance. They aren’t very creative but this was the best that Republican minds could come up with.
1) Obama mask with Adolph Hitler costume
2) Obama mask with KKK costume
3) Obama mask with Fidel Castro costume
4) Obama mask with Muslim Brotherhood costume
5) Obama mask with Joseph Stalin costume
6) Obama mask with Vladmir Lenin costume
7) Obama mask with Karl Marx costume
8) Nancy Pelosi mask with witch costume
9) Hilary Clinton mask with witch costume
10) Occupy Wall Street Protester with protest signs spelled correctly.
That last one was the most creative. We here at Free Wood Post promise that next year will try to find some Republicans with intelligence and creativity to survey for the list. We just couldn’t find any this year.