Tiger Eats GOP Congressman After Shutdown Forces DC National Zoo To Close

Tiger

Republicans desire to get paid for lighting the country on fire and ensuring that poor people don’t get health insurance has resulted in the closure of national parks and zoos. The National Zoo in D.C., for example, usually gets its doors open by 10 am. However, as the government shutdown took effect earlier today its gates never opened, resulting in a lot of disappointed animals. Consequently, a tiger decided enough was enough, got loose due to a lack of security personnel, and ate a Republican Congressmen. No reports have been issued on who the Congressmen was, but a janitor claims he saw an enraged tiger leaving the offices of a Republican.

Art Vandelay, the chief zookeeper at the National Zoo in Washington, feels terrible about the situation

“It’s a real shame, I mean, because you know the tiger will just get horrible heartburn after ingesting something so bitter.”

Sadly this tragedy could’ve been averted if only House Republicans didn’t hate the president as much as they hate zoo animals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Michael is a comedian/VO artist/Columnist extraordinaire, who co-wrote an award-nominated comedy, produces a chapter of Laughing Liberally, wrote for NY Times Laugh Lines, guest-blogged for Joe Biden, and writes a column for MSNBC.com affiliated Cagle Cartoons. Follow him on Twitter , YouTube, and Facebook, and like NJ Laughing Liberally Lab if you love political humor from a progressive point-of-view. Seriously, follow him or he’ll send you a photo of Rush Limbaugh bending over in a thong.

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