Open enrollment for The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obamacare”, began Tuesday. Almost immediately, citizens began to turn on each other. Reports have indicated that Americans have begun to feast on the brains of fellow Americans, unable to suppress their new-found cravings for human flesh. An angry exchange took place between on the floor of the U.S. Senate between Texas Senator Ted Cruz and Nevada Senator Harry Reid.
“I told you so,” announced Texas Senator Ted Cruz proudly from the Senate floor. “You didn’t listen!”
Nevada Senator Harry Reid responded, “Look, we knew that once the exchanges were in place and the law entered the implementation stage…that there might need to be some ‘tweaking’…but we had no idea!”
“Tweaking? There are millions of Americans now eating each other’s brains! I wouldn’t call that tweaking!” Cruz replied.
Thousands of almost identical reports have surfaced of people simply eating breakfast, reading the paper, and then going online to shop for health insurance before eventually gnawing on a family member’s or roommate’s skull.
While most seemed to attribute this new zombie-like apocalypse to the initiation of open enrollment for Obamacare, others suggested that it might be related to the ingestion of large quantities of eggs and ham, much of it green and spoiled, but unable to be intercepted by federal government meat inspectors who have been furloughed due to the government shutdown.