WASHINGTON, DC — In a shocking proclamation on the Senate floor during Senator Ted Cruz’s 21 hour filibuster against the Affordable Care Act, the junior senator from Texas made some controversial remarks regarding Jesus of Nazareth from the Christian Bible.
In what seems to be a misunderstanding of the Bible and replacing the viewpoints with that of Ayn Rand’s fiction novel Atlas Shrugged, Cruz seems to think that Jesus was only out to serve himself forsaking all others.
After hours on the Senate floor, and after reading from Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham and discussing the moon, Senator Cruz slipped into a diatribe about the poor and suffering. How it is their fault they live in their own squalor, no one should help them but themselves, and that he learned that by reading the Bible.
“What we have here is our core values as Americans and Christians slipping away into this facade where we should take care of our poor, sick, and disabled,” said Cruz in hour 19 of his filibuster. “It is disheartening to know that the nation our forefathers built is no longer of importance to our president and his Democratic counterparts. Not only that, we are falling away from core Christian values. I don’t know about you, but I believe in the Jesus who died to save himself, not enable lazy followers to be dependent on him. He didn’t walk around all willy nilly just passing out free healthcare to those who were sick, or food to those who were hungry, or clothes to those in need. No, he said get up, brush yourself off, go into town and get a job, and as he hung on the cross he said,”I died so that I may live in eternity with my Father. If you want to join us you can die for yourself and your own sins. What do I look like, your savior or something?” That’s the Jesus I want to see brought back into our core values as a nation. That’s why we need to repeal Obamacare.”
Both Republicans and Democrats are in utter shock and disbelief at these remarks and pretty much almost everyone sans some Tea Party Republicans are distancing themselves from Cruz. Political pundits and Christian academics don’t even know what to say. However, what they do know, is that Senator Ted Cruz most certainly does not appear to be a Christian with the proper knowledge of the Bible.