Mitch McConnell Courts the Zombie Vote


A Super PAC which is supporting the Senate Minority leader Senator Mitch McConnell’s re-election efforts in Kentucky apparently received a $100,000 donation from a man in Houston, Texas by the name of  Bob J. Perry on June 3rd.

The interesting fact is that Mr. Perry had been dead for seven weeks prior to the donation. The GOP doesn’t see this as a problem unless it’s a Democrat or Gay Zombie giving donations to their causes or their PACs.

Bob Waters, a spokesman for McConnell’s PAC, gave the following statement:

“The Republican Party fully supports the rights of undead  Americans to participate in the electoral process because it’s not like they actually dead. They are just a little more dead than most folks. We don’t have a problem with undead Americans giving their financial support to GOP causes, it’s only when leftist zombies start eating God-fearing Christian Republicans that we draw the line.  

Zombification is just another form of resurrection which is in line with our principles and religious values. We firmly believe that undead Americans make an excellent base for our values as a party. With minimal training and a little Fox News they can also be an excellent addition to our workforce as they have no interest in unionizing or even being paid.

The fact is, the GOP couldn’t find a more reliable base than undead Americans.

I’d like to take this time to address the criticism that dead people are sending Sen. McConnell campaign donations after they have already died which would be a fraud.

Dead people can’t write checks and since it would be dishonest as well as illegal for a God-fearing Republican to send donations in a dead person’s name the only conclusion is that the donor couldn’t actually be dead.

Free Wood Post tried to reach the Justice Department for comment but they declined to respond. However, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) did acknowledge that an investigation was being conducted on the matter.

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