Zimmerman Calls For Some Kind of Professional Uniformed Force For Public Safety


In the aftermath of George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the killing of Trayvon Martin, the defendant has called for the formation of a professional uniformed force which would be responsible for public safety and be paid for by local taxes.

 “Guys, I tried to keep Florida and my town safe from fucking punks. And it was really difficult. Punks are all over the place and then it turns out that there are also regular people just walking around minding their own business also. But I tried my best and did I get any thanks? No. Just a bunch of flak and I was even put on trial.

‘It was just a kid!’

‘He was unarmed!’

‘He only had Skittles!’

‘People might beat your ass if you come after them holding a gun. Many people take that personally.’

Well cry me a river. I didn’t know all of those things. Who am I, Kojak? This is not completely covered in “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City”. And he had a hoodie on, for God’s sake. Hellooo.

Anyway, I guess this didn’t work out so well for everyone, so I’ve come up with a groundbreaking idea. We can have a professional uniformed force which will be armed and responsible for maintaining public safety. They could even hide out behind signs and write speeding tickets if they want. Parking violations…  jay-walkers…  drunks… you name it. But they could handle all of this suspicious person stuff too since they would be specially trained for these sorts of things. They could even have a special phone number, easily dialed, that could get you right in touch with them, and then they could come to your location and take care of it themselves using, you know, their actual training and not something they’ve just pulled from their own ass. That kind of thing, had it existed, would have avoided this entire fiasco.”

It is certainly a bold, outside-the-box suggestion. One can only imagine that such a system could have easily changed the course of history for the two subjects on the night in question.

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