CEO of Exxon Mobil Fights Keystone XL Opposition with Blank Checks


In an unprecedented move that has environmentalists and oil companies alike wide-eyed and mouth-agape, Exxon Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson made the decision to strike back at those in opposition to the would-be international oil pipeline in personally – in the form of blank checks to congressmen in opposition to Keystone XL.

The proposed pipeline has raised many concerns with environmentally conscious liberal activists, the EPA, and common townspeople alike, despite their incessant assurances that everything would be fine.

After the Mayflower, Arkansas spill incident at the end of last month, the company remained assured and even went to the length of sending this assurance in the form of checks to residents to cover property damage and $15,000 toward the local elementary school – Even sending in a doctor representing the corporation to examine the children and assure the sick students’ parents that their children were simply “overly sensitive.”

This situation, and many like it that did not receive media coverage, must have given the oil tycoon an idea in his desperation to sway opinion in favor of the project that would tack millions onto his already grossly engorged net worth.

Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.), who has been vehemently and publicly opposed to the pipeline since its proposal, was unsure how to react to a large manila envelope in his mailbox, completely blank save Tillerson’s home address on the upper-right corner.

“It was just a blank check stamped with a signature and a Bic pen,” Cohen recounted.

Tillerson withheld comment when approached.

Many other anti-pipeline representatives who received these packages took to social media in an outrage, but several kept quiet. This has speculators questioning if Tillerson’s pay-off plan may be crazy enough to work.


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