Creation Museum Determines That 81% of Ticket Buyers Only There to Mock

Creation_Museum

A recent audit of The Creation Museum, near Petersburg, KY, has found that nearly 81% of ticket buyers only came to the museum to make fun of the exhibits.

“I hear them all snickering. What’s so funny about Jesus riding his trusty steed dinosaur? Or feeding his pet crocoduck? It doesn’t make any difference though. The bank still accepts evil sinners’ money just the same. I just hope they think it’s funny enough for a second or third trip,” said Dan Connolly, park manager.

This past week, the museum has added a zip line course, so that patrons can feel what it’s like to literally fly over Satan’s pits of hell.

Mike Zovath, senior vice president of Answers in Genesis which owns and operates the museum, said the new attraction is designed to help the museum appeal to a wider audience.

“Look, there are only so many people out there willing to believe this horseshit. Seriously. Even in Kentucky. So we’re trying to spice it up a bit to bring in the extreme sports type crowd. Because they smoke a lot of weed and might actually accept some of this while they are stoned. It’s our best hope at this point. We’re kind of desperate.”

Park attendance has fizzled in recent years and the new zip line course, along with the public’s incessant desire to mock ridiculous things, just may turn things around for the struggling museum.

 

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