Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus announced yesterday that the GOP has expanded its outrage manufacturing into Vietnam and China.
“We simply can’t keep up with the demand for manufactured outrage. We have to continuously create things to be outraged about and we just don’t have enough bodies to do it. Fox News is continuously demanding more and more trivial stuff to cry about and say they can’t keep talking about Benghazi, the IRS, Obama’s middle name, or Fast and the Furious forever. Especially since people are now complaining that they don’t want to hear about Fast and the Furious unless Vin Diesel or The Rock are involved. Something had to be done.
Of course, we had hoped to continue manufacturing all of our false outrage in America, by Americans. But we’re really having a hard time getting anyone to do the work. They’ll say, ‘So what? This stuff was going on ever since Eisenhower. It’s not something specific to Barack Obama.’ And we’ll say, “You’re fired, you commie bastard!’ So we had to start employing people who don’t even speak English and can point at random headlines to whine about. That’s how we came up with that picture of President Obama using an umbrella. What a pansy! See, I have a good feeling about this.”
So far, Priebus has been pleased with the results from the new outrage manufacturing plants. In addition to Umbrella-Gate, stories in the works include how White House employees have been made to cook, clean up after, and actually drive the President and his family around Washington in a limo.