The FBI has released a composite sketch of who they suspect of being a “total asshole”. They believe this is unrelated to the Boston Marathon bombings, and is simply proof of the organizations amazing multitasking skills.
FBI Spokesman Martin Feely:
“Yes, we are finishing up the ricin case and interrogating the Boston Marathon bombing suspect at this moment. But we are an organization that can actively engage wrongdoing on several fronts at once. This sketch should be a good representation of someone who is a danger to all of us due to his assholery. We believe that he’s broadcasting ridiculous comments and ideas on many radio stations throughout the country which could prove dangerous if absorbed by dim-witted rubes. Should you encounter this asshole, any of his ignorant rants, or his lunatic followers… ignore them at all costs.”
The FBI asks that you don’t try to engage the suspected asshole or any of his followers. Logic and reason are no use against him. And for God’s sake, don’t leave any of your snack foods where he can reach them.