Cuban Refugee Raft Rescues 13 From Carnival Cruise


A makeshift raft made of styrofoam coolers and wooden pallets, already taking on water and full of Cuban refugees, took time out from their journey to stop and rescue 13 people suffering from a recent cruise aboard the Carnival Conquest this past weekend.

The Cuban who spoke the best English said, “We were happy to come to the aid of these poor people stuck on a Carnival ship. We have heard of the terrible conditions on these things. I’ve heard it’s much worse than Guantanamo. Yes, we were fleeing an oppressive regime and trying to elude certain deportation from the Coast Guard, but we couldn’t just turn our heads at the suffering. This supports the long-established tradition in the global maritime community of providing assistance to mariners in terrible distress.”

One of the rescued Carnival passengers added, “I couldn’t wait to get off of that dump. Onion sandwiches on the buffet again?! Screw that. Yes, we are also shitting in coffee cans on this boat, but at least it only smells like the body odor of 60 people instead of that of 4000. And here we can toss the cans over when we’re finished. But please stop using the word ‘refugees’. It’s offensive. We much prefer ‘escapees’.”

The rescued passengers were handed over to the United States Coast Guard, who transported them safely back to Miami.

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