Solar Energy Plant Spill Has Tea Party Panicking

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In a little reported story, a solar energy farm located in a heavily Tea Party populated area of Arizona, had to shut down the collection tower for a maintenance problem. While the plant’s spokesman assured local residents that there was no danger whatsoever, the local Tea Party members were up in arms.

 “This is just another example of the liberal media failing to report on an important story,” said head of the Arizona Tea Party chapter, Buzz Redfern.

“All those hippy liberals have no problem complaining about a little oil leak but have nothing to say about this epic disaster. All they can focus on is the tar sands pipeline in Arkansas blowing up and contaminating residential neighborhoods and the drinking water. But hell, you can step over the river of oil flowing down the streets and buy bottled water.  What are we supposed to do? When they shut down that collection tower sunlight started spilling everywhere.”

Mr. Redfern refused to believe that the sunlight spill was in fact, not harmful in any way. He insisted and was backed up by the rest of his Tea Party supporters during a protest of the plant, that the solar farm spill was much more dangerous than even the Deep Water Horizon spill of 2010 that claimed eleven lives, spilled a record 4.9 million barrels and caused ecological and health hazards that continue to this day.

“Look the solar spill is not just affecting our neighborhood. It has spilled over the entire state. And our last analysis proved that the spill has spread over the entire Northern Hemisphere. Solar energy was leaking over half the world for twelve hours. Just when we thought it was over it apparently moved to the Southern Hemisphere for twelve hours before shifting back to us the next day. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. This is affecting billions of people.”

When asked what people could do to protect themselves Redfern replied there isn’t much you can do to escape it. “You can stay indoors all day, but if you must go out in the areas of highest contamination you must wear protective eye wear such as sunglasses and put on a protective layer of lotion on exposed skin.”

Not all residents of the area share Mr. Redfern or the Tea Party’s fear regarding the spill. A counter protest was staged where many taunted the danger of the spill by wearing shorts and tank tops. Spontaneous barbecuing broke out as did several water pistol fights.

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