Mississippi Governor Signs Law Mandating Obesity

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Wednesday morning Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed into law SB10354. The bill passed almost unanimously by the state senate and it mandates all residents to eat as much as they possibly want without limit.

This new law is a direct reaction to New York City Michael Bloomberg wanting to prohibit oversized beverages. Gov. Bryant remarked while signing the bill, “We here in Mississippi prefer the extra meat on our bones. This law is for me as well as everyone else. Look how skinny I am, I’m surprised I haven’t passed out from mere lack of super-sized beverages and fried Snickers. We won’t be forced to be thin and healthy. No, sir. We take pride in our stretch marks and heart attacks. In fact we have a contest every year to see who can put on the most pounds without going into a diabetic coma. It’s my job as governor to embrace our freedom to eat as much as we possibly can without knowing what’s in it or how it can affect our health. Where’s the fun in that? I don’t want to know how many calories or carbs I’m eating. I just want to enjoy my tasty delights, sit on the couch, watch television until I pass out and pray to Jesus that I’ll wake up. We take pride in being the most obese state in the nation. It’s all about freedom really. I’m mandating freedom.”

The new law is set to go into effect this summer as state carnivals and fairs rotate into full swing. Gov. Bryant told Free Wood Post that he takes pride in his state being free to consume whatever they want without any dietary warnings. As far as the potential impact it may have on state health care costs he said, “Health care? We here don’t worry about health care. If you can afford it, well good for you… but otherwise that’s just a thing we see people get on TV… and don’t you dare think we want Obamacare. The last thing we need is a mandate requiring us to be healthy.”

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