God Has Chosen New Pope In Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony Ever

"Bachelor" "Pope" "rose"

Word has leaked from blogger Reality Steve that God has chosen the next pope. After much pontiff-icating, God has selected the man whom we are told may not have originally been the most pope-ular choice.

It has long been the cardinal sin for God to express his feelings to a prospective pope until the final rose ceremony, and by rule cameras are prohibited from the fantasy suite. Though screams of “Oh God!” could be plainly heard out in the hallways during the final date.

Many viewers are worried that he has picked fan villain Giovanni, who other contestants derided as being “fake” and “not here for the right reasons”, while audiences seemed to love Julius after his whirlwind hometown date. Many of the contestants had expressed worry that since Benedict is still living in the Vatican, that there may still be some ex-communication going on. Throughout this season, viewers have been shocked and amazed by each potential pope parting, but others shrugged it off and said, “God picks in mysterious ways”.  Host Chris Harrison promises that this will be the “most dramatic rose ceremony ever” and that “I never say that”.

The finale will air Monday night at 7:00pm eastern standard time on ABC.

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