Reclusive North Korean Leader Meets Dennis Rodman, Proclaims Him “One Weird Motherfucker”

Former NBA star Dennis “The Worm” Rodman has been in North Korea for the past week with a contingent of Harlem Globetrotters as part of an upcoming HBO series. The visit has been slammed by many as Korean propaganda, among them former Alaska governor Sarah Palin who referred to Rodman as “Hanoi Dennis”. But Rodman insists that the visit is not propaganda and is about growing understanding of differing cultures.

He sat with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and watched a basketball game which pitted the Globetrotters against some of North Korea’s best ballplayers. Despite fielding a team which stood an average of 5’1″ and weighed an average of 90 lbs, the North Koreans beat the Globetrotters 126-0 and though he did not actually play, Kim Jong-un was declared Most Supreme Valuable Player of the game. “Totally legit,” said Rodman, “Those cats can ball.”

The North Korean leader, who has been rumored to feed weapons inspectors to the carnivorous sharks he keeps in a gigantic office aquarium, believes he was born of a supernatural occurrence and is loved the world over. He also claims a 2 hour and 50 minute marathon, a 7.5 pound freshwater perch, and 3-4 holes-in-one each time he plays golf. He also sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber and has a chimp named “Bubbles”. Like his father, he injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young, wants to breed giant rabbits to solve the hunger problem in his country, and claims to not have to use the restroom ever. But in an aside, he admitted, “Dennis is one creepy and weird motherfucker…Have you seen some of his tattoos? And he eats his eggs with ketchup!”

When pressed, Rodman dismissed any notion of human rights violations in the country, and even added that “I was able to wave down a cab and they actually stopped. Try that in Alabama.”

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