NRA Backs Down, Admits Carrying Handguns Would Not Have Saved Dinosaurs From Extinction

In an embarrassing turnaround, the National Rifle Association has dropped its earlier claim that the giant prehistoric reptiles would have survived if they had had concealed carry permits.

“It was a careless comment by one of our staff,” admits the Association’s CEO Wayne LaPierre. “Historical speculation can only go so far – it’s fine if you’re talking about 1775, but we can’t speak with any authority on prehistoric events. In fact, it looks as if the dinosaurs were killed by an asteroid hitting the earth. We accept that shooting at one of those things is something that only works in video games.”

Meanwhile, gun rights advocates have expressed anger at this digression into the animal kingdom’s right to bear arms. “What have dinosaurs got to do with anything?,” asks gun enthusiast and blogger Jerry Hale. “In the wake of the latest shooting, we need to be concentrating on the Second Amendment rights of schoolteachers and daycare workers, not long-extinct animals that nobody cares about.”

It has now emerged that the NRA’s Jurassic Man, as the originator of the dinosaur comment has become known, is not an official spokesman for the Association. His job is coordinating discount offers on deer rifles for long-term members. It is understood that he will be making no further pronouncements on gun control. “He has been confined to more routine office work,” says Mr LaPierre.

 

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