State Of The Union: President Obama Announcing Mandatory Military Enlistment For All Chickenhawks

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A transcript of President Obama’s speech has been released to the press to highlight key points of his State of the Union address to the nation. One of the major key points is his requirement of all individuals in favor of war and invading more nations to enlist immediately in the armed service branch of their choice. If they do not choose a branch to serve in, one will be chosen for them.

In a quote from tonight’s address the president states:

“These chickenhawks talk a good game. They seem eager to fight, and willing to protect this nation from harm. If they feel we need to continue to be at war for decades to come then I feel it is their duty as American citizens to put themselves into the Armed Services and fight bravely for their nation. They should no longer need to rely on the bravery of others. It’s their turn, and I stand behind them one-hundred percent. May they go into battle with the sun on their backs, and the Lord on their side.”

The FBI and CIA are cooperating in scouring the internet for blog posts, Facebook updates, Tweets, etc. that may suggest the urgency to continue war across the globe, or invade other nations as a preventative measure. All medical conditions and supposed age restrictions will be waived and the proper treatment or accommodations will be made to make sure every last chickenhawk can serve their nation in some way, shape, or form.

The president asked that Ted Nugent be at the State of the Union for this very reason, he will be one of the first required to enlist and be shipped off to boot camp to then await deployment.

It became apparent to the president that we should no longer put our troops in harm’s way if unnecessary, so he is bringing home the remainder of our brave troops in Afghanistan who shouldn’t be in a decade long war, and shipping over those who still feel the need to be there so they can put their bodies where their mouths are.

Many are anticipating a huge backlash to this announcement, but if it’s war these chickenhawks want, then it’s war they’ll get.

 

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