MASSACHUSETTS — Gov. Deval Patrick (D) has named his replacement for John Kerry in the Senate now that the Senator has officially become Secretary of State.
Patrick has chosen the New England Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady. He figured the decision would be popular with the constituents of his state. “Everyone in this state loves Tom Brady, it was really a no-brainer,” said Patrick. “I believe he’ll be an asset to the Senate and to the nation as a whole. He makes split second decisions on the field, and that sort of clarity and judgement will be a breath of fresh air for all who will work with him.”
Brady is excited about the appointment, but wants to let his fans know that it is only temporary until a special election can be held. He’s certain he’ll be back in time to take the field this upcoming fall. “With all this free time I’ve been granted by the Ravens I really see it as a blessing so that I may serve my country,” Brady said during a press conference following the appointment by Patrick. “Imagine if we had made it to the Super Bowl, I wouldn’t have been able to take the job. The universe works in mysterious ways.”
Many on Capitol Hill are stunned by Gov. Patrick’s selection. Most were certain the appointment would go to former Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA).
It also seems that the popularity for Tom Brady stops at the New England border with many disliking him a great deal. The last thing most want to do is call him Senator Brady, but figure the job may be suited for him since he pouts when he doesn’t get what he wants, so likely he’ll fit right in.
Luckily for most, the appointment is only temporary, and who knows — maybe some split second decision-making is just what the United States legislative branch needs these days.