Jennifer Lawrence Survives Golden Globes Fight to Win Best Actress

Before introducing Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig to announce the Golden Globe winner for Best Actress, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler announced that the winner of Best Actress must eliminate her fellow nominees and be the last-woman standing. What was supposed to be a joke, ended up staging a live drama, tragedy and thriller in the style of a Tarantino battle royal. The event played out for a full twenty minutes before Jennifer Lawrence was finally declared the victor.

The Saturday Night Live alumni apologized for ending the careers of four prominent Hollywood superstars with a bad joke.  Tina Fey, who claims the joke was improvised said “We like to go over the top, but we never expected anyone to actually do what we say.  Sure we got Daniel Day Lewis to raise his finger on command, but who knew how far these other women would actually go?”

After making apologetic statements, the SNL alumni showed their disingenuous comedic sides off stage.

Meryl Streep was supposed to be at home with the flu for the evening and her appearance on stage even shocked the hosts.  ”Where was she?  In a private room nearby?  I bet if Meryl wasn’t so sick, that old devil probably would have won.” Fey said. “She’s like Glen Close on steroids, she’s a scrappy fighter”

Amy Poehler, who appeared to be drunk at this point was seen giving Will Ferrell a high-five while saying “Greatest awards show ever, or greatest awards show ever?” asked Poehler.  There is only one option to that question, but Will Ferrell was confident in his response

“Definitely the greatest show ever!  Tarantino captured the whole thing on camera”   Ferrell continued to describe the evenings tragic events as an excited 13-year-old would.  ”I didn’t even have to open the card.  My job was so easy!”

Backstage the SNL alumni displayed more interest in Amy Poehlers side boob that she adorned all evening than the loss of four major Hollywood actors, confirming once again that comedians have no souls.

 

Emily Blunt, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith and Meryl Streep will be honored for their contribution to the entertainment industry next month at the Oscars.

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