Man Holds Season Three Of Downton Abbey Hostage

Reports indicate that a local man is holding hostage the entire third season of the popular PBS drama “Downton Abbey”, threatening to reveal key plot points and spoilers unless he is paid “protection”.

The man in question, Allan Fincham, has a reputation for this type of behavior. Neighbors, co-workers, and family members recount numerous instances of kill-joy activity on his part.

“Usually it’s nothing too bad,” said Fincham’s wife Adele. “You know, like blurting out the punchline to a joke or eating something from the fridge that someone was saving, stuff like that.”

Fincham’s threat is made possible due to Downton Abbey’s new season not airing in the United States until it has completed its entire run in Great Britain. And while many stateside fans have been patiently waiting for the January 6th season premiere of the wildly popular show, others have turned to the internet in order to view pirated episodes ahead of time. Count Fincham among those. Although just viewing the new season was apparently not enough for him.

“I’ve always liked messing with people,” Fincham said, “and when everyone started DVR-ing their favorite shows to watch later it was great. But that was just one episode at a time. This is the whole enchilada.”

Fincham’s group of standard targets has developed strategies for blunting the effects of his regular spoiler-fests, but this most recent offensive has them stymied.

Co-worker Gretchen Fullbright is worried. “I thought the Game Of Thrones debacle was bad, but it pales in comparison to this.”

While ostensibly looking for payment to keep silent about the new season, Fincham was noncommittal when asked about what such payment might comprise. “I don’t know. Cigarettes, or office supplies maybe. I’ll probably just pitch the stuff anyway. You know, like a prison power play.  I don’t get why people are upset about this.  It’s not like the Dowager Countess dies.  Or does she?”

When asked if they thought his behavior is perhaps an awkward attempt at gaining attention or popularity a neighbor replied, “Nope, he’s just being a straight-up dick.”

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