NHL, Players Union Bring In Seal Team Six To Mediate Lockout

NEW YORK – Locked-out players and NHL league officials who agreed to federal mediation were taken by surprise when Seal Team Six stormed the New York offices where the two sides had agreed to meet.

“We were sitting around waiting and them – BOOM – the lights go out and there are gunshots,” said Red Wings owner Mike Illich. They got Bettman, then the Fehr brothers, and then we thought we were clear to make a deal.”

Unfortunately that proved easier said than done, as hard-line Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs took the opportunity to press an advantage in negotiations.

“We were advised to take Jacobs out too,” said a Seal member on the condition of anonymity. “But he’s tougher to take out than Bin Laden. Bullets don’t hurt him.”

Several Seal members said Jacobs was particularly interested in drone technology and was asking about the drones ability to stickhandle.

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