BUSHYHEAD, OK — It seems that after four years of being utterly paranoid that President Obama is going to take their guns away, several conservatives are left dumbfounded.
“That there NRA told me, with utter confidence that Mr. Obama was gonna take away my guns,” said Jarvis Flinkermill in an interview with Free Wood Post this past Monday afternoon. “I said to myself, I said oh no he’s not! I’ve got my second amendment right to bear arms and no president is ever gonna take that away from me. So I went out to the local sporting goods shop and bought myself a whole bunker worth of guns and ammo. I spent upwards of around $15,000 on my stockpile, and that’s just in the past year. Here’s the thing though, President Obama hasn’t touched my guns, and all the shops is still open. However, I just got another letter from the NRA tellin’ me that Mr. Obama is gonna take my guns in his second term. I just don’t know though, but I’m not takin’ any chances. I’m cutting back on food and clothes for my kids to buy more guns and ammo. The NRA are smart folks, they always be tellin’ me what that Muslim president has up his sleeve.”
Free Wood Post had the opportunity to speak to a local sporting shop in the area, Bushyhead Sports Galore. Owner Hank Kilden said, “Sales are better than ever with Mr. Obama in office. Everyone is terrified that he’s going to take away their guns, so everybody’s been stocking up. I’ve really got to thank the National Rifle Association for getting the word out, they’ve been fantastic for business.” When asked if the president has actually tried to shut down his shop, or try to regulate ownership Kilden replied, “Gosh no, in fact now we can take our guns into public parks. It’s almost as if he’s given us more rights to probably take away later.” When asked if he thinks the NRA is just scaring people on purpose to push gun sales Kilden responded, “The NRA? Nah, they’re good folks over there. They’re just trying to protect us. I’m sure one day or other the president is gonna come close up shop. I’m a little surprised and confused he hasn’t already… but if the NRA says he’s gonna… then he’s gonna.”
This seemed to be the general consensus of all the patrons at Bushyhead Sports Galore. They’re confused President Obama has given them more rights, and not taken any away. However, they have been told by multiple sources (Fox News, NRA, Family Research Counsil, etc.) that Obama is waiting for his second term. In the mean time gun sales are at a record high. It seems for the sporting community, paranoia pays off.