Veteran of 12 “Running of the Bulls” Says “No Fucking Way” He’s Going Out On Black Friday

Sergio Bonaplata, who has participated in twelve ‘Running of the Bulls’ events in Pamplona, Spain, says there’s no fucking way he’s going out to any stores on Black Friday.

“Sure, I’ve broken several ribs, a forearm, an ankle, and even fractured my skull running with the bulls. I’ve also been gored in the ass twice. But I’m not crazy. I won’t go out there and risk my life even to get heavily discounted items.”

“Bulls are big and strong, but they are predictable. They run in a straight line for the most part. But people are absolutely crazy. They’ll pepper spray you, knife you, hit you with a waffle iron, or trample you to get the cheap stuff for sale. They’ll take out half of the stores’ workers and won’t even break a sweat. There’s no fucking way I’m even leaving the house. I’ll just pay the full price or buy it online or something.”

When asked what he might do instead, he proposed, “I don’t know, maybe I’ll go skydiving, free climbing, or base jumping.”