Fifth Airport Location Opens Fox News Channel Store, Coincidentally Also Full of Shit

A fifth location of The Fox News Channel Store opened this week in Jacksonville, Florida, finally filling a longstanding vacuum for cheaply made trinkets of local interest served alongside a mountain of jingoistic literature.

We talked with some of the newest patrons to the store.

“I wanted a shirt with ‘Jacksonville’ on it, but doesn’t Jacksonville have a ‘c’ in it?”

“I don’t know. It looks like a regular airport store. Just a bunch of high-priced crap. Except I didn’t really recognize any of the books or magazines. They had the Cheetos I wanted though.”

“I asked for a New York Times and they said there’s no such paper and told me to stop being a wise guy.”

“I didn’t appreciate the separate water fountain for ‘coloreds’.”

“The guy on the cash register looked kind of like Glenn Beck. He told me to stock up on ammo and canned goods.”

Featured items include “Fair and Balanced” neck pillows and some straight-to-paperback favorites such as Bill O’Reilly’s “We’ll Never Understand the Tides”, Sean Hannity’s “Obama, Your An Idiot”, Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue Again”, and first time author Ted Nugent’s “Die, President, Die!”

 

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