TwinkieGate Investigator Probes Obama About Little Debbie Affair

"Obama" "Twinkie" "Little" "Debbie" "affair"

Popular food-like snack company Hostess announced that they are ceasing production of their iconic treats. Shocked Americans demand answers! Is the post-election timing just a coincidence? Or is there a greater conspiracy brewing?

Just weeks after the election and Twinkie gets the axe? Some believe that Obama is responsible, claiming that a back-room deal with snack mogul/competitor Little Debbie was cut in exchange for campaign support.

High level officials are launching an investigation of the Obama Administration. They want The President to address allegations of campaign fraud that some are referring to as “TwinkieGate”.

We all knew if Romney won, Big Bird would have been cut, but I never thought I would live to see the end of Twinkies… Much less live past a Twinkie’s expiration date.

Talk radio pariah Rush Limbaugh was the first to question the timing and possible Obama connection. On his recent show he said, “most people assumed that Hostess filing bankruptcy was just a dick move to end a labor strike with stubborn, greedy workers backed by Union thugs. But I heard from Glenn Beck that Obama made a deal to have Little Debbie provide snacks to all the volunteers and staffers during his campaign in exchange for forcing Hostess out of business. I think that Obama’s cozy ties with Union bosses allowed him to influence them to derail the negotiation process with striking workers, thus forcing Hostess to file for bankruptcy. This was done discretely so as not to arouse suspicion of Government involvement.”

Rush went on to say “the deal could have been worth 1.5 million dollars when you figure all the ‘Oatmeal Cream Pies’ and ‘Cosmic Brownies’ those people must have eaten over the course of that campaign. And I’d even bet that they were giving them out to people in exchange for votes…”

Is this the real reason that C.I.A. Chief General Petraeus resigned? Was a scandal created so he would not be available to testify about TwinkieGate? To make matters worse, it was revealed in F.B.I. records leaked earlier that a semi-nude photo of the General posing with a Twinkie and two Ding Dongs placed over his “Little General” was sent to his mistress. It is clear that he is sending a message which will hopefully be revealed with further investigation.

What’s next America?

Will Chuck Norris’ doomsday prediction come true now that Obama was re-elected? Will we soon have 1000 years of darkness come down upon us? I know it has started getting a little darker earlier every day since Obama won. Some say that’s just because Winter is coming, but some suspect there’s more to be revealed.

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones joked that zombies might be behind the demise of Twinkies as they plan their coming Apocalypse. Many people recall that in the film “Zombieland”, Twinkies played an important role in nourishing zombie hunters. Removing them from production would give zombies a competitive edge…

Whatever the truth is, we all mourn the loss of a treasured American treat.

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