BREAKING NEWS: Rush Limbaugh Announces 2016 Candidacy for President

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PALM BEACH, FL – This morning, Rush Limbaugh sponsored an exclusive Palm Beach County Conservatives brunch near his home. Attendees included  prominent donors to Rick Scott’s gubernatorial race and the failed congressional campaign of Allen West. Since the November 8th election, Rush Limbaugh has been on the defense.  As conservatives scramble to redefine the party and rethink their strategy after a crushing blow at the polls–Rush jumped to the airwaves proclaiming that they should stay the course.  At this morning’s brunch Rush continued to press a “no surrender” policy, making no apologies. He took to the microphone, reached his boiling point and proclaimed:

“No one is taking charge of the conservative movement. Most conservatives in Washington are hanging their heads like they lost a puppy. Then you have the liberal media elites writing a eulogy as if our movement is dead. I’m tired of the blame and tired of watching our party bend over left and right saying that we need to appeal to minorities and women.  Well guess what—we have blacks, hispanics and women–the smart ones at least.  What’s the excuse? You want to blame me for alienating your precious minority base too? You want to blame me for saying that we shouldn’t have to pay for whores to get free birth control when we need jobs in America? Well guess what conservatives– I’ve filed the necessary paperwork to run for the presidency in 2016 on the Republican ticket. Today–I ask for your support to take our party back.”

According to eyewitnesses, the audience sat in silence until a slow clap evolved into a large celebratory roar.  Herb Wallace, brunch attendee and media relations representative for  the Palm Beach County Tea Party said:

“Rush notified us of his intention to run for President prior to sponsoring this morning’s event. He wanted to surprise the audience, which he clearly did. He intends on using this as a moment to rally the troops. Everyone’s been hanging their heads low. Rush is a fighter and he has our support. Conservatives need leader–not an apologist. There’s no time to waive a white flag of surrender when the fundamental American way of life is clinging to its last breath under the socialist agenda of President Obama. “

Sources close to Limbaugh revealed that he is in close communication with the Koch brothers and hopes to secure funding.  The 2016 race seems like a long way away, but Limbaugh hopes to stir up media buzz now in an attempt to attract large donors, organize and push forward.

Rush 2016?

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