Rick Perry Dashes Nation’s Hopes, Announces Texas Won’t Secede

"Rick" "Perry" "Texas" "Secede"

An entire nation now stands deflated after Texas Governor Rick Perry announced that Texas will not be seceding from the United States.

“I thought this was something we could all agree on,” said just about everyone in the country.

Perry seemed to flirt with secession two years ago and claimed that Texas maintained a right to secede built into its constitution. He was also pretty sure there was a picture of a real jackalope and an awesome chili recipe in there as well.

A recent petition regarding Texas secession gathered tens of thousands of signatures on the White House website, though many are thought to have been from residents of other states. Later investigation also revealed that 35,000 of them were “Chuck Norris”.

To date, there has been no response posted by the White House.



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