Canada and Mexico Scramble to Build National Security Fences to Keep Out Republicans

The Canadian and Mexican governments announced on Wednesday plans to build security walls along their borders to prevent Mitt Romney’s supporters from illegally seeking sanctuary in their countries.  While moving to Canada under a Republican presidency has long been suggested by American liberals, it appears the U.S.’s northern neighbor had never been concerned with the threat until it was made by the American right.

“If you think I’m some right-wing nut,” said Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper in a CBC news interview, “just wait until THOSE guys get here.”

“They make me look like Che-freakin’ Guevara.”

Mexican President Juan Del Sandro Il Saint Sanduvale had a similar reaction, though in Spanish.

American Conservatives expressed shock that other countries would want to keep them out, especially in light of their history of launching illegal wars, destroying the environment, opposing equal rights, and possessing an unflinching belief that health care is a commodity rather than a necessity.

“I don’t know what exactly we could do to win these Canadians over,” said Dale Johnson, a dejected Tea Party supporter considering a move north.  “Maybe offer to bring up tons of free automatic rifles with us and give them out as gifts?”

Construction of the separate Canadian and Mexican security fences is set to begin by Friday.

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