The United States 2012 Presidential Election concluded with a gracious concession speech in which Mitt Romney passed well wishes on to President Obama and his family.
“It seemed really sincere, ” said Vice President Joe Biden. “Though can you really believe anything that lying bastard says, though?”
“Look guys, I’ve been losing elections for years. I’ve had great practice. I know what I’m doing. This is exactly how you lose. I have a 54 point plan for losing elections, ” declared Romney. “You say a bunch of bad stuff about the other guy. You change your positions frequently. And when people catch on and vote for the other guy, you wish him well.”
“Hey, losing is still pretty lucrative. I crashed a ton of companies at Bain and still got paid. No worries, my friends. And I assume after this, Fox News will be calling to sign me up for something. Heck, they gave that Palin lady a job. Though I hope they didn’t hear me say those nice things about the President. That might be a deal killer.”
No details existed for a Fox News job offer to Romney at the moment this piece went to press.