Romney Concedes: ‘I really wasn’t a good candidate’

With his imminent defeat being reported, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney made a startling confession. Not able to come right out and say he lost, Romney pointed to Fox News reports stating he had the lead and was going to win in a historic landslide that would be a mandate against all Kenyan Muslim socialists who happen to be non-white. In spite of that fact that even close advisers were telling Romney the race was over, he held out hope because of the Fox reports. Still, Romney did offer a concession when he didn’t know a mic was on.

“I must admit, my friends, I wasn’t the best candidate I could be,” Romney said to group of wealthy supporters. “I really thought all I had to do was not be Obama. If I did that, Ann and myself would be moving into the White House. Turns out, there were American voters who were actually looking for real proposals. Can you believe they actually had the audacity to ask for my tax returns?”

Some of the most concerned persons present were Romney’s biggest donors. “Sure, we can still move some numbers around and get some money to the Caymans, but what about the promises? I am not about to pay taxes so the common rabble can expect things like free school for their torrid offspring. What do we do now? And just as important, how, sir, are you going to pay us back for our investments in you?”

“I apologize for overestimating the gullible nature of the electorate, but I can hardly be expected to be responsible for a return on your campaign donations, but I can offer a solution. Luckily, I’m ordained. We can work things around so your money looks like church donations.”

“Small consolation, Mr. Romney. Now our hopes for freedom from tax responsibility falls to Speaker Boehner, and we all know how competent he is.”

 

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