Elderly Woman Admits: ‘I’m not really an independent, I’m lonely and like robocalls’

An elderly woman just outside of Cleveland, Ohio admitted to a Fox News crew that she really wasn’t an independent, but merely starved for attention.

“I live in this shithole one room apartment at the back of my son-in-law’s house, and that cheap bastard cut off my cable,” said Gertrude McCallister. “Now all I have is my phone, but sweety, I don’t have many friends. That’s why I love election time in Ohio. So many people are calling me; they make me feel special. This nice young man from MoveOn.org talked to me for about five minutes; bless the darling. I even like those automatic-type calls – what do they call them? That’s it, robocalls. They always sound so sincere.”

The Fox News correspondent seemed at first to be taken aback by the assertion. Then he spotted a Romney/Ryan sign in the front yard and started to calm down.

“So you’re not really undecided? You made up your mind some time ago? Well, that has to be good news for Mitt Romney, right?”

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I’d vote for that guy!” Mrs. McCallister replied. “I’m lonely, but I’m not stupid!”

“What about the sign on the front lawn?”

“That’s my son-in-law’s. He’s a rich televangelist and keeps the grandmother of his children locked away in a little room of the garage. He doesn’t speak for me,” Gertrude informed the Fox mouthpiece. He doesn’t know I got myself registered, and he doesn’t know I already voted for Obama. But damn, if he’s watching you, there won’t be any Kibbles and Bits for me tonight.”

A gentleman in an Obama T-shirt was walking by and said “there, there, dear, you have friends,” and offered to take her out to dinner.

 

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