In Drunken Stupor, Glenn Beck Admits He Will Vote For Obama

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It’s not October, but Glenn Beck delivered one big surprise when he announced his real voting intentions to his radio audience Friday. Beck has been unceasing in his criticism of President Barack Obama dating back to the 2008 election. He has had nothing positive to say, turning to vitriolic rants to put voice to his opinions. That’s why it was such a surprise when Beck admitted that he would be voting for Mr. Obama November 6.

“I, uh….. I gotta tell you folks something,” Beck stammered. “I will not be voting for Romney. I will…..I will vote – for Obama.” Beck made the announcement to a radio microphone, but was obviously crying. Through the sobs he could be heard saying “I know it’s not what people think, but I need Obama. What if Romney wins? I can’t criticize him, he’s a Mormon like me for Christ sake. We know he would really screw the pooch, right? How can I tell people that?”

To no avail, Beck’s loyal sidekick Stu jumped in and tried to wrestle the conversation away from the out-of-character pundit.

“Shut up and give me my fuckin’ gin, you jackass,” was Beck’s retort. “I’m just sayin’ I know, it’s the truth, you know, I need Obama – he’s made me rich, and you too.”

The sidekick promptly turned off the power to Beck’s mic and pushed the show to a commercial break. When that was over, he explained that the previous few minutes was an attempt by the leftist media to taint the character of who Stu called “the finest man I’ve ever known.” Stu went on to say that he was certain Beck would be voting for Romney and that the voice listeners heard was a liberal takeover of the feed and not really coming from the studio he and Beck were in.

Of course, many observers weren’t too keen on his explanation. Beck’s listeners, however, were fully in his corner. Caller after caller phoned in to express full support and acceptance of the story. Doubters pointed out that if Beck was drinking, it’s the first time Beck has been known to fall off the wagon and return to his drunken ways in more than a week.

 

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