Federal Government Declares Donald Trump’s Hair A “Disaster Area”

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The Obama Administration has, at the urging of New Jersey governor Chris Christie, officially declared Donald Trump’s hair a disaster area. Usually this sort of declaration must involve a committee and lengthy reviews, but based on the severity of the situation, both President Obama and Governor Christie agreed that they needed to put away their political differences and address the situation.

“The thing was bad enough as it was. But after Hurricane Sandy came through, there is just absolute devastation right there, ” said Christie. “I must commend President Obama for taking swift action so that something can be done immediately about that thing. I know there are a lot of amazing products on the market for this kind of clean up, but I think we’re going to need something from NASA maybe.”

“Governor Christie did the right thing contacting us about the designation, ” added Obama. “People could see something like that and there could be mass hysteria. We can’t afford that kind of panic right now. We have the best people immediately looking to tackle this thing before anyone else gets hurt.”

Additional requests have been made to declare the area below the hair and between the ears a disaster area as well. Further details as the story unfolds.


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