Rick Perry’s Campaign Derailed By Sleep Apnea, Colossal Stupidity, Says Recent Book

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“Oops”, a recent book by Texas Tribune correspondent Jay Root covering the failed Rick Perry Presidential campaign cities sleep apnea, back surgery, and insomnia as main causes of Perry’s often incoherent ramblings and the now infamous gaffe where he tried to forcefully state his case for small government. Perry said: “I would do away with the Education, the, uh, Commerce, and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”

Author Root explains that Perry had undiagnosed sleep apnea, had taken painkillers for back surgery, and was suffering from chronic insomnia. But he cited Perry’s colossal stupidity as the real reason for his repeated gaffes.

“Look. Sure, he had some kind of sleep problem. But we’re not talking about a smart person here. Sure he may be one of the smartest in his state. But we’re talking about Texas. Basically, the guy is a huge idiot, ” said Root in a recent interview.

When pressed about why the sleep disorder was so highly publicized in press releases for the book, he stated, “You can just write a book about how a stupid guy is stupid. That’s not terribly interesting. There are plenty of stupid Republicans. And many of them are governors of their state as well. That’s why I had to put that other stuff in there.”

Iowa Christian conservative Bob Vander Plaats, who is working hard to get Perry to run again, agrees. “We want to get Rick Perry to campaign again in 2016. He endorses all of our positions. He believes in Satan and that our current President is most likely the Anti-Christ. So we’ve got a good foundation there. But let’s be honest. The guy’s as dumb as a post. So we’re going to need some sort of tutoring or maybe have someone smart stand off to the side of the stage and talk into a wireless earpiece so that he’ll know some things to say that don’t sound like, you know, something Rick Perry himself would say.”

Currently, “Oops” has yet to crack the New York Times Bestseller List.

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