Hurricane Sandy’s “blame game” is proving to be more destructive than the actual storm as pundits fight for attention grabbing headlines and photo ops.
TV evangelist Pat Robertson came out today and said what many Christian Fundamentalists were already thinking. “God sent super-storm Sandy to clean up the filth in New York and the Godless East Coast.”
He explained, “The Almighty has been really angered lately, what with all the gay marriages and rape abortions that are destroying the Nation. Don’t they know that rape babies are God’s will? They shouldn’t be messing with divine intervention. What if liberals ruled the world back in Jesus’ day? I’m sure Mary would have been encouraged by Planned Parenthood to abort her baby when she was impregnated by the angel of God and not her husband Joseph.
And aside from that, have you smelled New York? It’s an odiferous potpourri melange of urine, sex, vomit, hot dogs and stale beer. Someone needed to power wash that city.”
Robertson angrily accused New Yorkers (and others) of bringing their own destruction down upon them. He likened them to the Haitians who famously sold their soul to the devil decades ago. As you recall they were just recently punished by the omnipotent creator with a hurricane of their own.
There was dissent among the ranks though; while Robertson blamed the gays Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck spewed their theory illustrating how this is ultimately Obama’s fault with his Socialist programs and environmental pandering. Rush ranted, “giving people hurricane aid only encourages more hurricanes. And it was timed perfectly to distract us all in a critical point in the election process. This was all planned to give Obama an unfair political advantage by looking like he cares about people by sending them aid.”
However those in the Obama camp are making the case that it was Bush’s fault. Claiming that Bush already proved he was capable of controlling nature with hurricane Katrina. Some feel that this was his way of showing the voters that despite his suspicious absence, he is still in control.
Meanwhile… the rest of us know that Al Gore was squarely at the root of it all.
On the campaign trail Romney was quick to turn things around and vowed to end the socialist fire and police departments by replacing them with a privatized force. This new service to be managed by Koch Industries would charge a nominal service-based fee for their support, instead of bilking everyone with frivolous taxes. He angrily exclaimed, “when was the last time you needed fire fighters at your home? But yet you have to pay for them every year with exorbitant taxes. I will end this unfair socialistic practice once elected. Good, safe people should not have to pay for some careless idiot’s fire bill. And why should everyone have to pick up the cleaning bill for irresponsible people who clearly built their home in a hurricane zone? This is absurd, under my Presidency I will end this. The lazy no-good 47% of Americans sucking on the Government teat can get out and clean up their own mess. It’s not like they have anything else to do. The power’s out so they can’t watch TV, they might as well put in an honest day’s work.” He ended the event early to get to the disaster area as soon as possible for some promo shots posing with victims and looking concerned.
With the election bearing down fast it was anyone’s guess as to who should really be blamed. But one thing is sure, whoever wins this election will inherit a big mess.