Romney: Obama’s Promise of Storm Aid Will Just Encourage More Storms

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Mitt Romney complained yesterday that President Obama is clearly overstepping the powers assigned to the federal government by the United States Constitution, as the President promised forthcoming help in the face of Hurricane Sandy bearing down on the eastern seaboard.

“The Constitution says nothing about providing help to states for disaster relief,” said Romney. “He’s been on record as saying that ‘whatever help the governors need, they’ll have’ and that when people fall into harms way, they’ll be rescued. This is just bailout-crazy government mentality at its worst, wasting taxpayers investments and promising a lifeline. Don’t you know that when you help people ravaged by disaster, it just encourages more disasters? In fact, I think this was all caused by the President suggesting he was going to slow the rise of the oceans. He was just encouraging the oceans’ rise! Things probably would have been all right until he went and promised bailouts.”

“These are dangerous, storm-prone areas. The free market should decide how those places should operate. If you get washed away, maybe you can borrow some money from your parents. Or maybe pray a bit extra. Virginia, Maryland, the Carolinas, New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts…and the others. They’re all way too close to water. I don’t know who decided to settle in those places. We should just let that real estate market bottom out, and allow new investors. I might even know a few. There are many other places that those people could live that are a bit more safe. How about Utah? No hurricanes there. Lots of great compounds, um neighborhoods to live in. Check it out. I think the fact that there are no hurricanes in Utah is no coincidence. You don’t see the government in Utah promising hurricane relief.”

Romney famously joked at the Republican National Convention that “President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans and heal the planet. MY promise … is to help you and your family,” Understood in that, of course, is that as long as rising sea waters are not involved.

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