Confirming suspicions long-held by much of the American political left, Republican party chairman Reince Priebus unveiled on Friday that his party is, and has been for over four decades, one big piece of satirical performance art.
“I’ll be honest,” said Reince, appearing before the Associated Press in a jester’s hat and holding an elaborate ivory cane, “I totally
thought you would have all caught on before this. I mean, especially with the candidate we’re supposedly running for President this year.”
“Seriously people,” continued Reince, “Seriously. Look at my stupid name. You seriously think this is all real? C’mon.”
‘Reince’ credited Thruston B Morton (real name Stephen Smith) as the first RNC chairman to employ the use of a fake name designed to drop hints that the modern Republican Party was an elaborate prank played on the American people.
Other faux Conservatives taking silly pseudonyms over the years include Ray Bliss, Richard Richards, Spence Abraham, Chuck
Yob, and Newt Gingrich.
Gingrich himself seemed torn on the unveiling of what he described as ‘the craziest, funniest role’ he had ever played.
“It’s sad to see great gigs come to an end,” said Gingrich (Frank Hershowitz) in a press statement. “But it’s time to get the stench of
this Gingrich character off of me, no matter how much fun it was to play such a Charles Dickens-esque villain.”
While originally the plan had been to continue with the charade at least until the end of 2015, concern over the harm they were doing to their country for the sake of a laugh apparently caused some of the actors to consider bailing out early on the almost 50-year-old practical joke.
“It’s true,” said Preibus, “a lot of us were starting to think, you know, this is great satire, but it’s taking a really dark path. I mean, we’ve made most of the people in our own country significantly poorer with our phony economic policies, and, hey, killed hundreds of thousands of people around the world.”
“And my old drama school roommate Chris Jacobs – you know him as Mitt Romney – well, he was losing himself in his character, genuinely beginning to believe he was some rich fop who’d be getting his hands on the nuclear launch codes.”
“When a joke winds up hurting people, well, it’s time to put an end to it.”