This week Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan expressed concern that the ‘physical challenge’ portion of the presidential race had not yet taken place.
“To my knowledge, that segment has yet to be scheduled,” he told reporters during a campaign stop in Chicago. “Unless I was simply not notified of the date. I wouldn’t put that past the Obama administration, frankly. I’m sure they realize I present quite a challenge to Joe Biden, at least when it comes to that event.”
Asked for clarification on what he meant by the term “physical challenge”, Ryan appeared incredulous.
“It’s the part of the presidential race where the candidates compete against each other in an obstacle course,” he said. “Usually there’s some sort of climbing wall, a set of monkey bars and sometimes a ball pit. Whoever has the best time and is the first to grab the flag, wins. Do you guys really not know what I’m talking about here?”
Ryan admitted that in the days leading up to the Vice Presidential debate, he had been under the impression that the physical challenge would be directly following it.
“I thought they were going to sort of spring it on us in a surprise move,” he said. “Did you guys see me drinking all that water during the debate? That was why. I was trying to stay hydrated. Also, if you noticed me sweating a lot, it’s because I was wearing these special moisture-wicking jogging clothes under my suit in preparation. They were kind of making me overheat.”He added, “An athlete is always prepared.”
According to Ryan, the physical challenge is a huge part of why he was tapped for VP.
“I mean, look at me,” he said. “With my hardcore P90X routines and my sub 3-hour marathon time, am I the guy you’d turn to for policy decisions, or the one you’d want by your side at the beach, helping you kick sand in Russia’s face?”
“I don’t want to let Romney down, so I’ve been training hard for months,” Ryan added.
“When I’m not campaigning, I’m spending long days at the gym, blasting my quads and ripping my delts. Sometimes while I’m doing bicep curls I’ll look at flash cards about laws and foreign policy and stuff, but my main focus is on winning that physical challenge,” he said. “You’ve got to keep your eyes on the prize.”