A cat appeared in front of cameras today at a news conference that was supposedly announced by Donald Trump in which the Donald promised to reveal inside information about President Barack Obama. The teaser was unclear as to whether the news would be centered around the president’s desire to turn America into North Korea or his bowel movements. Either way, the Donald promised a scoop, but he was scooped instead.
When the cat took his place in front of the podium, people first thought it must be some kind of joke, that Trump himself would appear and try some sort of punchline on his own joke. When the cat began to speak through a spokesperson, it became apparent the joke was on Trump. The cat, who was identified as “Frumpy Trumpy,” would nod and give a meow when the spokesperson said something he agreed with.
“As of today, I am firing Donald Trump as a person the media pays any attention to,” the cat’s spokesperson said. “Trump is an idiot beyond comparison. It’s a wonder anyone listens to him, much less does business with him. That the man has managed to make a lot of money is a testament to the laughable and destructive nature in which capitalism currently manifests itself in America.”
A reporter asked how the cat could come up with such an exacting and damning treatise on the Donald, to which the furry feline hissed disapproval.
“I assure you, Frumpy Trumpy is the one who determines his policies and statements,” the spokesperson said. “He channels information to me via our telepathic link. If that sounds silly to you, I ask you to consider the crap you people have printed that the human Trump has said.”
“Cat has got a point,” someone in the crowd shouted. From that point on, the gathered press corps took a more open position to the new Trump. “What do you have to say in closing?” Several of them asked.
“Free Pussy Riot, of course!”