Ann Romney: Mitt Actually Did Serve During Vietnam War

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During a recent appearance on “The View”, Ann Romney corrected Whoopi Goldberg when she mentioned that her husband Mitt Romney did not serve in the Vietnam War.

“Mitt certainly did serve his country during the war. He just served in a different way than most during that period. Sure, while many poor and minority young people were involuntarily drafted and soon found themselves knee-deep in cholera-infested rice paddies, you must remember that Mitt was also in a difficult spot serving Jesus, who as everyone knows made a special trip to America.”

“He roamed around the mean streets of Paris, riding a bike, and looking like a royal imbecile. You think he looks ridiculously uncool now, you should have seen him then! And it was a real hell-hole. Of course, he wasn’t being shot at or tripping any landmines, but he had to eat at 3 star restaurants! And he was doing just as important of a job as the Army was when they were fighting for Jesus and America.”

“He was out trying to baptize people in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Do you know how hard it is to get anyone to swallow this ridiculous shit? Especially French people! They’ve got all of this good food, wine, and they just LOVE to smoke and have sex all of the time. And you have to tell them to give that stuff up! Darn near impossible! Well, you don’t tell them that right away, only after you get them baptized. We aren’t idiots, you know!”

“So I’d like everyone in the media to stop pretending that Mitt didn’t serve during the war. He baptized 103 Frenchies by all by himself. How many conversions did any of those so-called “soldiers” perform? I rest my case.”

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