Grammy Winner Adele Finds Love, Dropped By Record Label

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In a stunning move, Multiple Grammy-winning artist Adele has been dropped by Columbia Records not long after two critically-acclaimed albums and numerous chart-topping singles.

Earlier this year, Adele had confessed that she was as happy as she’d ever been, had found true love, and was indeed expecting a child with her boyfriend Simon Konecki. She’s said recently that she was having a hard time finding anything interesting to write about anymore.

Columbia chairman Rob Stringer explained to the Associated Press, “I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She used to write the most amazingly heart-wrenching lyrics. We were hoping for another “Someone Like You” or even “Rumour Has It”, but all we’ve gotten from her since are a pair of cover songs for “Shiny Happy People” and “Rainbow Connection”. Really? Do you know how many songs there are about rainbows already? Where’s the heartbreak? Where’s the pain? People don’t want to hear songs about people being happy.”

Stringer continued that releasing Adele from her contract has allowed Columbia to begin an earnest pursuit of Taylor Swift, because it seems quite certain that she and her boyfriend are never ever ever ever getting back together.

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