Coming off a surprise victory in the first presidential debate, Mitt Romney promised on Friday to figure out if Snuffleupagus is real or not and if so, cut the roughly ten dollars and fifty cents it costs to animate the creature on Sesame Street each month, or, preferably, the tens of billions of dollars it costs each week to bring such an imaginary character into existence.
“I’ll be honest, we need two trillion dollars more in defense spending, which I’ve pledged to the military for over a year now,”
said Romney. “If Snuffleupagus isn’t real, well, then we’re gonna save several dollars of taxpayer money by phasing him out. Over a year, who knows what that will add up to, maybe the two trillion we need for our military that they never asked for. Also that twenty percent across the board tax cut I keep promising.”