The legend had long been at Texas Stadium that there was a hole in the roof “so God could watch his favorite team play.” Cowboys Stadium was built in 2009 with a similar distinctive opening and retractable roof. But today, after Monday night’s terrible 34-18 loss to the Chicago Bears that featured 5 Cowboy interceptions, God broke decades of silence in all matters concerning football when He convened a press conference to order the roof permanently closed.
“Yes, I understand that it’s good for ventilation,” said the Supreme Being, “and it makes it more like real football, you know, with sunlight and fresh air…but I just can’t take this any more. Did you SEE that game? Who loses to Jay Cutler? I’ve pretty much left the Cowboys to themselves after making the Vikings trade for Herschel Walker. That gave them two solid Super Bowl teams…even good enough to win another with stinkin’ Barry Switzer! And look what they’ve done since! Who is doing the drafting for this bunch, anyway? What, never heard of a General Manager? One playoff win in 16 years? And you build a hole in the roof so I can watch THIS garbage? Don’t do me any favors!”
“So today, I am ordering this roof closed permanently. And please open back up the hole that I put in the roof of the Superdome. I haven’t been able to see my Saints play yet this year. How are they doing?”
No one in attendance had the courage to tell God that their coach and general manager have been suspended and that they are 0-4.