After Oil Is Discovered Under Sesame Street, Mitt Romney Calls For As Much Funding As Needed

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In a startling discovery, in the midst of cleaning out his trash can Oscar the Grouch dug a little too deep and to his delight became covered in crude oil. “It just started spewing up everywhere. I was covered in the stuff… filthy, it was awesome. I didn’t want to tell anyone, but I figured I should let someone know what I found. I found a passerby who told me it was oil, and I thought, golly this could save Sesame Street.”

Later in the day Oscar told Big Bird who quickly phoned Washington DC letting them know of the natural petroleum reserve discovered beneath 123 Sesame Street. President Obama wants to make sure the dignity and quality of life on the famous street is preserved and protected, while Republicans couldn’t phone their oil buddies fast enough to get first dibs.

When news of the oil discovery reached Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney he stated, “well that’s just fantastic. We should get in there right away. This is American oil and there’s nothing better than that. We should call in the big dogs, those best in the business to drill, and help them get that oil out of the ground for American consumption.”  When asked if he was in favor of the government subsidizing the oil project he said, “Of course! There’s no time to lose. We need to get what we can get when we can get it.”  When asked if this could be considered picking winners and losers he said, “there are no winners and losers with oil, only winners. Sesame Street may have saved the day.” When approached with his comments about shutting Sesame Street down to save pennies within the national budget Romney replied, “that was then, this is now. We need to pump as much money as needed into Sesame Street to benefit the nation as a whole. Domestic oil is what we need, and domestic oil is what they have.” 

Options are still being weighed within the oil industry, the federal government, and the local government surrounding Sesame Street. As soon as a decision is made, Free Wood Post will be first on the scene to give you details of the deal as they are laid out.

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