After vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan pointed out that the math from the budget and tax proposals being put forth by himself and Mitt Romney is too complicated for the average American to understand, Texas School Board members were quick to act. The board voted unanimously to incorporate the new math of the Romney-Ryan plan into the Texas educational system.
“Here in the Lone Star State, we are proud of our ability to change the educational system in America through textbooks,” said Bucky Simpson, board member. “If Romney and Ryan have discovered a new way of doing math that shows us how conservative budgets work to reduce the deficit and lower taxes while creating jobs, well, that’s something right there.”
Texas is infamous for the fact that a small number of extreme conservatives on the board can influence education around the country. Textbook companies have such a large market in Texas that they strive to comply with Texas regulations and changes and then keep them in the books for the rest of the country.
Educators in more liberal states have stated that they feel Texas is forcing Tea Party conservative views about science and history into other districts. What seems like a political agenda to independent observers is described by the board as “looking out for our kids.” Histories describing America as a Christian empire and science courses insinuating dinosaurs and humans lived in the same eras have found their way into books sanctioned in Texas. Math, for the most part, has been left alone, at least until now.
“The Romney-Ryan math is just a bunch of smoke and mirrors meant to divert attention away from their plan to ravage the American working class for the gain of the rich,” lamented a mealy-mouthed liberal professor in Austin.
“Aristotle first introduced us to math, and he was Greek,” countered a Dallas oilman. When asked what that had to do with anything, he responded “we all know what is happening in Greece, and we don’t want that in America. The new math of the Romney-Ryan plan adds up for those of us who haven’t been blinded by the progressive agenda socialists are shoving down the throats of Texas children. Readin’, writin’, and ‘rithmatetic are basic, and don’t need to be too advanced for public school kids. They won’t need to know too much to work fast food anyway. Algebra can’t do anything at the car wash.”