Bassoonist Finally Snaps, Goes On Shooting Rampage

Tired of being under appreciated and disrespected, Bassoonist Johann Spector’s biggest pet peeve was being confused as an oboist. Even his own girlfriend would often slip and call him an oboist. He reached the breaking point today when being introduced as an “oboist” at a recital for a group of students at a recital. He tried to compose himself and go on but the embarrassment was too great. He ran out of the concert hall in tears and headed home.

He noted in his journal that this was the for the 973rd time that he had been mistaken as an oboist. He placed a call to his psychiatrist and after waiting more than an hour without a call back, decided something more needed to be done. Writing in his journal his last line was “I must be the one to set the people straight”. He loaded up his bassoon case with a rocket launcher he had found on Craigslist a week earlier, walked in to the community college and started firing away at random. Luckily no one was seriously injured however approximately 4 million dollars in damage was done to the school.

Spector was taken in to custody by campus police and later turned over to authorities. During the rampage he could be heard screaming, “I play the bassoon mother fuckers, this is not a god damned oboe, does it look like an oboe? It’s a bassoon, a bassoon dammit. I play the bassoon. I play the bassoon.”

He is currently being held in psychiatric care for evacuation and reportedly keeps mumbling “I play the bassoon, it’s not an oboe” over and over while intermittently humming Mozart’s bassoon concerto.

Bassoonist worldwide held vigils for Johann with mixed feelings. On one note, they were unified in wanting people to understand they are not oboists but they were quick to condemn his actions as somewhat inappropriate. One bassoonist that spoke to us off-the-record said that she had secretly fantasized of doing the same thing, but just didn’t have the guts, or the rocket launcher.

It will be a long road to healing for these misunderstood geniuses, but it looks like the first big step has been taken.

*This article has been edited, the original posting read “Oboist Finally Snaps,  Goes On Shooting Rampage.” We apologize for any confusion caused by this error.

**Image from stock library is not Johann Spector.

 

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