GOP Celebrates New ‘PreSin’ Pregnancy Prevention Pill

 

"GOP" "presin" "pills" "sex" "Republican" "Free" "Wood" "Post" "pregnancy" "prevention"On Monday, the FDA gave final approval to the financially troubled KV Pharmaceutical for their “Afternoon-Before” pregnancy prevention pill. The pill, referred to as “PreSin” works by suppressing sexual desires prior to engaging in a sexual act. KV marketing materials state, “Are you going out tonight? Are you worried about being morally corrupted into depraved acts of sin? Then before you leave, remember to take PreSin! PreSin works by inhibiting sexual desires through a series of mildly unpleasant physical ailments including a fever, nausea, occasional vomiting, bad breath and general stomach discomfort.” According to a KV spokesperson, “PreSin has the potential to dramatically reduce unwanted pregnancies. Remember, before you sin, Presin!”

PreSin has gained wide approval from the Republican Party who says it represents a significant improvement over the controversial Morning-After pill. Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney agreed stating that PreSin is a much better option over the other “abortive” options: “Abstinence is the only completely successful way to prevent pregnancy. PreSin provides tremendous benefits to those who do not have the moral strength of character to abstain by themselves. This is a great American innovation and should be sold over-the-counter and distributed in our schools.” Romney may not be aware that the “success” of abstinence-only sexual education is a fallacy. In fact, states with abstinence-only policies have the highest rate of teen pregnancies in the nation.

KV who describes itself as a, “specialty pharmaceutical company with a focus on women’s healthcare” is expected to begin shipping PreSin to pharmacies by the end of September and the product is expected to cost approximately $750 per dose. The exorbitant cost should not come as a surprise. Earlier this year KV won exclusive rights to a drug called 17P (brand name Makena), used to prevent preterm labor. Their first act was to raise the price from $10 to $1500 per dose. For a company whose last CEO is in prison for mislabeling morphine pills, many people have begun to suspect that KV may in fact be “pure evil”. However, Mitt Romney praised KV’s pricing strategy as simply “a good business practice”. Regardless, Republicans in Congress have convinced insurance companies to fully cover PreSin without a co-pay. In Arizona however, PreSin has caused some confusion. Heather Wilson of Phoenix asks, “I don’t understand. In Arizona I am pregnant two weeks before I have sex. Am I supposed to take PreSin every day for two weeks? How will I know when to begin treatment?” Arizona Governor Jan Brewer does not foresee any issues saying, “I think young people should be taking this every day. They were all born into sin. This will help them control themselves.” Already, KV has sold over 300,000 doses of PreSin and expects to reach a million by the end of the year.

Warning: If you are planning on taking PreSin, the following side effects have been released by KV: “Possible side effects include headache, upset stomach, rectal bleeding, depression, suicidal thoughts, puritanical impulses and uncontrollable sneezing.”

 

Check out more from Orbson Rice:

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Orbson Rice is a deeply disturbed professional Writer and Editor. He is also the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.

 

Unedited Photo by: Brandon Giesbrecht

 

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